What happened?

In my first day of obs/gyn rotation the following happened:

-          me entering the morning meeting room 5 five minutes before it is due.

-          F***  up consultant, who has the reputation of chewing people (not only students) a live: HEY, GO TO THE FRONT SEAT ( though no visual aid will be used!)

-          Me smiling anxiously as I realize I am the chosen one and drag myself to the "hot seat"

-          10 minutes into the meeting, they were talking about a non reassuring CTG, and that they had to rush the patient to the OT.  F**** up consultant get up from the back of the room, took the CTG trace paper, hold it less than 15 cm( I kid you not) from my face and shout: READ IT.

-          I freaked out, I had reads tens of them before- as I did my elective in oby/gyne-, but for some reason I feel uncertain and scared. I start analyzing but the panic exaggerate and I start shaking and told the f*** up consultant: You are scarring me and I don’t know how to read it. Panic took over and I start silently sobbing and had to excuse myself out.

I was surprised by my reaction, my colleagues were traumatized and concerned what just happened!

Anyway, living alone and not taking a good care of oneself would certainly lead to that. AND, definitely listening to horror stories about a particular person will make thing worse.

Now I have to work extra hard to prove myself, especially since I am considering oby/gyne as a future specialty.

As of the f*** up consultant, he/she is mean to everyone including the patients. I have yet to see a more manipulative doctor who make fun of their patients in their face.

I think I had a couple of panic attacks symptoms after that incident, but thankfully didn't miss a  clinic/round because of it (except that morning meeting)

I was impressed by the amount of the support I received. I know what I did was not professional, but S*** happens.

P.S:

To reassure myself if that F**** up consultant tried to bully me  I came up with 2 plans:

1.       Go hug him/her very tight

2.       Video record the incident, and hope the attack will be aborted.

But I might as well start shaking and sobbing again, who knows!

 

I  am truly surprised by my reaction, never knew there were a chicken hen in me J  

P.S2:

I'll appreciate any feedback/analysis of the incident!