Health issues and depression

I wrote this one in dedication to one of my best friend:

 

"I don't trust myself. I feel it is hard to do so when I feel ill. I have a bad history with depression. It presented itself initially, like most cases in the east, with somatization. Every time I feel sick, I think it is a relapse. I ask myself what happened, is there anything that possibly made me stressed & depressed? Am I eating enough? Healthy? Exercising? And the most difficult one; do I go out enough? As a medical student this is hard to answer. Am I truly busy studying or am I avoiding getting out. The idea of going through that hell again is a pure torture.

 

By the end of the last week I felt lethargic. Not a new thing! But I kept going to the toilet every  hour. By the weekend almost 4 times per hour. It felt like there was something pressing against my bladder & I just couldn't get rid of all the urine at once (incomplete voiding). Later on the day I experienced back pain which radiate to my right lower abdomen(RLQ). It comes and goes. Every time with increase severity. I finally deiced , whether it is a real thing or not, I can't take it. I was fighting my tears, fighting with the pain. I was rolling in agony. My blood pressure was high, urine dipstick (test urine for presence of infection, protien, or blood), to my horror, came negative.

Everyone in the ER was convinced it is an appendicitis, including the on call surgeon! ( Yeah, that suprised me as well, but psoas, obturator  & rovsing's sign were all positive.)  

 

The pain subside as they prep to shift me to the operating theaters (my condition was unstable my friend later told me. Good guess eveyone, I am the friend) & they took me to do ultrasound instead. They couldn't visualize the appendix. But my right kidney was mildly dilated (hydronephrosis). I still question the reality of the pain. I know it was so severe. I know it  was real. But was it due to a pathological brain or kidney?"

 

Life is so colorful. And having variety of acquaintances is the best gift of all. He was so sick. You can see him fighting not to show the pain and pretending everything is ok. He even said his pain is 5/10. Which made no sense.

 

Oh, and I enjoy escorting people to ER..haha.. ( no that was not the little psychopath inside me.  I love the diagnostic thing)