In my first day of obs/gyn rotation the following happened:
-
me entering the morning meeting room 5 five minutes before it is due.
-
F*** up consultant, who has the reputation
of chewing people (not only students) a live: HEY, GO TO THE FRONT SEAT (
though no visual aid will be used!)
-
Me smiling anxiously as I realize I am the chosen one and drag myself to
the "hot seat"
-
10 minutes into the meeting, they were talking about a non reassuring
CTG, and that they had to rush the patient to the OT. F**** up consultant get up from the back of
the room, took the CTG trace paper, hold it less than 15 cm( I kid you not)
from my face and shout: READ IT.
-
I freaked out, I had reads tens of them before- as I did my elective in
oby/gyne-, but for some reason I feel uncertain and scared. I start analyzing but
the panic exaggerate and I start shaking and told the f*** up consultant: You
are scarring me and I don’t know how to read it. Panic took over and I start
silently sobbing and had to excuse myself out.
I was surprised by my reaction, my
colleagues were traumatized and concerned what just happened!
Anyway, living alone and not
taking a good care of oneself would certainly lead to that. AND, definitely listening
to horror stories about a particular person will make thing worse.
Now I have to work extra hard to
prove myself, especially since I am considering oby/gyne as a future specialty.
As of the f*** up consultant,
he/she is mean to everyone including the patients. I have yet to see a more
manipulative doctor who make fun of their patients in their face.
I think I had a couple of panic
attacks symptoms after that incident, but thankfully didn't miss a clinic/round because of it (except that
morning meeting)
I was impressed by the amount of
the support I received. I know what I did was not professional, but S***
happens.
P.S:
To reassure myself if that F****
up consultant tried to bully me I came
up with 2 plans:
1.
Go hug him/her very tight
2.
Video record the incident, and hope the attack will be aborted.
But I might
as well start shaking and sobbing again, who knows!
I am truly surprised by my reaction, never knew
there were a chicken hen in me J
P.S2:
I'll appreciate any
feedback/analysis of the incident!
