Perfectionism

This is something that is affecting my life.  At lease this is what I think at the moment.  I either study like a nerd, whole day, rushing things that is non study related. Even simply conversation with friends.  Or I'll fluently waste my time & rarely do something related to school. I hope the sum neutralize for the best.

Anyway,

slit lamp exam

Today I woke up early, practiced my presentation, which is unusual because I rarely feel the need to/ have the well or time. I attended clinic early as well. It was intravitreal injections day. It is a procedure in which a medication that suppress the growth of new blood vessel is being injected to the eye. It is commonly done for diabetic patients with advance diabetic retinopathies, where new blood vessels fill the retina & bleed easily.  Badly influencing the vision and even causing blindness. I practices lid eversion. I didn't know it is that difficult, or was it my fear of plucking  the poor man eyelashes ?

 I also, found out  the cause of my occasional eye pain is having dry eye! A doctor examined my eyes using slit lamp and fluorescein stain. My colleagues had fun learning on me & taking pictures.  We saw few patients. Then come my presentation time.  Hurray!! "Precise and thorough" with a big smile was my consultant's feedback. I was relieved.  It helped me gain my  appetite back and my separation anxiety seems to vanished.   

I spent the rest of the day reading in the blogosphere and relaxing. The girls are planning to visit our deceased friend family. I would love to see her sister who is also my friend, but the introvert mood kicked in . I was planning to start reading  for tomorrows seminar, four hours ago. But I guess I have to accept the reality and try to use the rest of the night wisely. Hopefully not watching a movie or lying purposely in bed.

Ooops my elective is in 5 months and I hadn't decide where yet! UK and Canada are freezing in January. I am considering "work the world", but I am afraid I am not that adventurous.  

Double vision

Will that is what I am reading write now.

Last night I had a sleep over .  My graduated friends' internship orientation coincide with the beginning  of our  school. I feel lucky they were here because I was really feeling low. Yesyerday was thier last day. So we spent the night together. Will I was holding my book trying to read most of the time. It was nice feeling they were nearby.

Clinic today was quiet. Many diabetes retinopathies, few cataracts post surgery & one with lose of eyelashes. We got to familiarize more with slitlamp. The seminar was very nice & the tutor explained many points nicely.

I have work to do, wish me luck:)

I need this space

Hi,

  I had finished medicine rotation a month ago, had a month break  and today is the second day of my ophthalmology placement.  My dull vacation was intruded by the  very sad news of  a friend death. She was brave enough to go abroad to correct a brain AV malformation.  But The 95% success rate didn't grant her life, so she peacefully went. Leaving a gap in my heart.  It was horrible news. I am almost tearing writing this.  RIP.

 I needed a place to talk, so here I am.  I no more want to be lifeless.

The last rotation, went fine. The consultant was super lovely and very keen to teach. I learnt a lot. But I am not sure if I clerked enough patients and I am not sure either how sharp my examination skills are. I did well in exam however. Part of me think the consultant was generous in marking me because  I was somehow actively participating in rounds.  I regret not reading from proper text book (though I tried). Instead I was obsessed with a quick revision book " wards & boards".  Then holiday!  I was dying to have that one month break (after 18 month of no proper long vacation). In the first week  I joined mother in visiting a spiritual place. It was nice, but it also made me realize how cancer treatment affected her health. This  frightened me, I am scared to death of losing her & my dad. God knows what  will happen to me. This is my second day away ( college started) and I really miss them. I just called my dad and I was fighting not to cry or show him I am homesick already.

I'll have the end of this year examination after 4 months. Not so yay.  Lots of revision needed and I should be starting but I am not sure how and it is hard to motivate. Mainly because I am over panicking and worry is consuming  me.  Help anyone?

I think I should go now, I have a presentation on Wednesday & I hadn't finish preparing for tomorrow's seminar yet. I am reading from the textbook, and it covers 2 chapter. Why can't I use the quick revision book again?

Oh wait, while ranting I also need to do a research! None of my friend is welling to partner me. Not so research oriented people.  I am not sure if this is a good time to do it or leave it for the final year.  

Hope everyone is having a better time.

http://lifeafteyearsinmedschool.blogspot.com/
http://lifeafteyearsinmedschool.blogspot.com/
http://lifeafteyearsinmedschool.blogspot.com/
http://lifeafteyearsinmedschool.blogspot.com/