Missing my friends

I wish I can cry when I want and be able to hold my tears when I wish too. 

How can one stop blaming oneself  for something that already happened. How to stop being so sensitive and so naïve.

One day folks, one day

I need this space

Hi,

  I had finished medicine rotation a month ago, had a month break  and today is the second day of my ophthalmology placement.  My dull vacation was intruded by the  very sad news of  a friend death. She was brave enough to go abroad to correct a brain AV malformation.  But The 95% success rate didn't grant her life, so she peacefully went. Leaving a gap in my heart.  It was horrible news. I am almost tearing writing this.  RIP.

 I needed a place to talk, so here I am.  I no more want to be lifeless.

The last rotation, went fine. The consultant was super lovely and very keen to teach. I learnt a lot. But I am not sure if I clerked enough patients and I am not sure either how sharp my examination skills are. I did well in exam however. Part of me think the consultant was generous in marking me because  I was somehow actively participating in rounds.  I regret not reading from proper text book (though I tried). Instead I was obsessed with a quick revision book " wards & boards".  Then holiday!  I was dying to have that one month break (after 18 month of no proper long vacation). In the first week  I joined mother in visiting a spiritual place. It was nice, but it also made me realize how cancer treatment affected her health. This  frightened me, I am scared to death of losing her & my dad. God knows what  will happen to me. This is my second day away ( college started) and I really miss them. I just called my dad and I was fighting not to cry or show him I am homesick already.

I'll have the end of this year examination after 4 months. Not so yay.  Lots of revision needed and I should be starting but I am not sure how and it is hard to motivate. Mainly because I am over panicking and worry is consuming  me.  Help anyone?

I think I should go now, I have a presentation on Wednesday & I hadn't finish preparing for tomorrow's seminar yet. I am reading from the textbook, and it covers 2 chapter. Why can't I use the quick revision book again?

Oh wait, while ranting I also need to do a research! None of my friend is welling to partner me. Not so research oriented people.  I am not sure if this is a good time to do it or leave it for the final year.  

Hope everyone is having a better time.

http://lifeafteyearsinmedschool.blogspot.com/
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http://lifeafteyearsinmedschool.blogspot.com/