What happened?

In my first day of obs/gyn rotation the following happened:

-          me entering the morning meeting room 5 five minutes before it is due.

-          F***  up consultant, who has the reputation of chewing people (not only students) a live: HEY, GO TO THE FRONT SEAT ( though no visual aid will be used!)

-          Me smiling anxiously as I realize I am the chosen one and drag myself to the "hot seat"

-          10 minutes into the meeting, they were talking about a non reassuring CTG, and that they had to rush the patient to the OT.  F**** up consultant get up from the back of the room, took the CTG trace paper, hold it less than 15 cm( I kid you not) from my face and shout: READ IT.

-          I freaked out, I had reads tens of them before- as I did my elective in oby/gyne-, but for some reason I feel uncertain and scared. I start analyzing but the panic exaggerate and I start shaking and told the f*** up consultant: You are scarring me and I don’t know how to read it. Panic took over and I start silently sobbing and had to excuse myself out.

I was surprised by my reaction, my colleagues were traumatized and concerned what just happened!

Anyway, living alone and not taking a good care of oneself would certainly lead to that. AND, definitely listening to horror stories about a particular person will make thing worse.

Now I have to work extra hard to prove myself, especially since I am considering oby/gyne as a future specialty.

As of the f*** up consultant, he/she is mean to everyone including the patients. I have yet to see a more manipulative doctor who make fun of their patients in their face.

I think I had a couple of panic attacks symptoms after that incident, but thankfully didn't miss a  clinic/round because of it (except that morning meeting)

I was impressed by the amount of the support I received. I know what I did was not professional, but S*** happens.

P.S:

To reassure myself if that F**** up consultant tried to bully me  I came up with 2 plans:

1.       Go hug him/her very tight

2.       Video record the incident, and hope the attack will be aborted.

But I might as well start shaking and sobbing again, who knows!

 

I  am truly surprised by my reaction, never knew there were a chicken hen in me J  

P.S2:

I'll appreciate any feedback/analysis of the incident!

 

 

 

Anesthesia

My surgical placement is over. So is the passive aggressive attitude of surgeons.  We got to spend some time with anesthetist as well. Did a load of  intubations.  It is fascinating how people willingly put their lives ( literally) at stranger s' hands (C'mon your medical team is).

      At the induction of general anesthesia, you receive muscle relaxant that paralyzed all your skeletal muscles, including the diaphragm. You stop breathing for a while until the anesthetist intubate you and connect your lung to a machine that breath for you.  It is scary. Especially if you are the one who intubate.  Then what if you paralyzed the patient but the pain medication you gave is not sufficient, and he could feel the surgeon cutting his abdomen open and can't complain. Yes, the patient will be monitored. Any raise in his blood pressure or heart rate upon inducing a painful stimuli will be taken as a sign of pain & fast acting analgesic will be administered .  But the fear, of causing harm … at every stage of anesthesia. I can't help but admire those fighters, who in addition to their critical task, have to endure arrogant surgeons. 

It  made me think, about those who work sincerely and are sure the credits will go to someone else.

Oh anesthesia, I enjoyed you so much.

3 weeks to final.  A year and half work to be examined. Family medicine, pediatric, internal medicine, general surgery , ortho, anesthesia, genetic, microbiology, forensic, …. How to re read tons of information.

Can I sleep and woke up to find them over.

I need this space

Hi,

  I had finished medicine rotation a month ago, had a month break  and today is the second day of my ophthalmology placement.  My dull vacation was intruded by the  very sad news of  a friend death. She was brave enough to go abroad to correct a brain AV malformation.  But The 95% success rate didn't grant her life, so she peacefully went. Leaving a gap in my heart.  It was horrible news. I am almost tearing writing this.  RIP.

 I needed a place to talk, so here I am.  I no more want to be lifeless.

The last rotation, went fine. The consultant was super lovely and very keen to teach. I learnt a lot. But I am not sure if I clerked enough patients and I am not sure either how sharp my examination skills are. I did well in exam however. Part of me think the consultant was generous in marking me because  I was somehow actively participating in rounds.  I regret not reading from proper text book (though I tried). Instead I was obsessed with a quick revision book " wards & boards".  Then holiday!  I was dying to have that one month break (after 18 month of no proper long vacation). In the first week  I joined mother in visiting a spiritual place. It was nice, but it also made me realize how cancer treatment affected her health. This  frightened me, I am scared to death of losing her & my dad. God knows what  will happen to me. This is my second day away ( college started) and I really miss them. I just called my dad and I was fighting not to cry or show him I am homesick already.

I'll have the end of this year examination after 4 months. Not so yay.  Lots of revision needed and I should be starting but I am not sure how and it is hard to motivate. Mainly because I am over panicking and worry is consuming  me.  Help anyone?

I think I should go now, I have a presentation on Wednesday & I hadn't finish preparing for tomorrow's seminar yet. I am reading from the textbook, and it covers 2 chapter. Why can't I use the quick revision book again?

Oh wait, while ranting I also need to do a research! None of my friend is welling to partner me. Not so research oriented people.  I am not sure if this is a good time to do it or leave it for the final year.  

Hope everyone is having a better time.

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