It is 1 am. Morning meeting is 7 hours from now.
Today happened to be the last day of 5 weeks long college break.(they were lovely, thanks for asking J). I felt unsettled.
Moving back to campus did cause such feeling of despair in the past. Will I make it? What if missing the feeling of being unique and irreplaceable at home took over me and render me helpless. But tonight, although some tears were shed, that feeling was not overwhelming. I grew up. I finally did. ( finger crossed I don’t wake up to find myself 13 again).
I think I know me! I started to feel blue 2 weeks ago. It worsened whenever someone mentioned school. I knew the doubts of continuing on the medical rocky road are back. So I talked to myself like a wiseman. ( I once failed myself in purpose in a hope that will liberate me._yup it is that bad_ Worse thing I did ever. And yes, it was NOT liberating at all. I repeat it was not. I can be crazy sometimes. no regret though( or plenty of it, depend from which angle I'm looking at it hehe).
Half year to go. Let's keep praying ( and meditating and eating those medical books).
Pray for me.
My love to you all
Hopefully your return went well - let us know how you are doing! Fingers crossed for you :)
ReplyDeleteThank you very much..your reply had cheered me. The feeling stayed for a couple of days and it was useful in the sense I had to immerse myself in studying and covering the course objective to overcome it.
DeletePlus it is pediatrics and I so much love working with kids. Actually the whole group is enjoying the rotation, we were appraised for being enthusiastic and active earlier today in the morning meeting.